sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
