Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is wine microwaveable?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
