i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
