I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
