I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
