I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
