while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
