my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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