I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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