discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
