If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
