We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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