I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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