I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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