You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
