I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
