I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
