Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
