Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
