I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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