Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
