I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
