he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
