I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
