hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
