I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
