I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
