3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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