hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
