haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
