My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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