I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
