Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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