I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
