I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
