loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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