i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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