sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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