This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
