Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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