If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
