I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
