I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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