Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
