arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
