This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
