Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
