they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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