One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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