So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
