Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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