Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
