Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
